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Calvin and Hobbes –at last into my blog

May 15, 2006

Since long, I have been planning to write a post on Calvin and Hobbes. But, I did not know what to add and what to leave. So, this time I am planning to let them speak for themselves. You need not know them previously to enjoy these lines.

Here goes:(Those in bold are my personal favorites)

Calvin

As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.

But for my own example, I’d never believe one little kid could have so much brains!

Every time I’ve built character, I’ve regretted it.

Everybody I know needs a complete personality overhaul!

From now on, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success…. I’m just here to cash in.

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.

I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.

I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life’s problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don’t you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don’t you think? Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television?

I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

I’M SIGNIFICANT!…screamed the dust speck.

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don’t get asked to do it again.

In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.

It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

It’s only work if somebody makes you do it.

Life’s a lot more fun when you’re not responsible for your actions.

My brain always rejects attitude transplants.

Boy, there’s nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.

Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.

Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. (One of the best)

The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.

The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!

The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can’t, and the incapacity to tell the difference.

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse!

To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.

Trifle not with tired tigers.

True friends are hard to come by. . . I need more money.

What assurance do I have that your parenting isn’t screwing me up?

You know how people are. They only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.

That’s one of the remarkable things about life. It’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.

Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It’s like saying I don’t deserve it!

Do you have any money?…How can we get some? (thinks) Who do you know that we could sue?

Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy… Let’s go exploring!

Im sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! (thinks) Well, no I don’t. Not really. I wish everyone ELSE was dead.

Hobbes

I don’t know which is worse, …that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.

Science kind of takes the fun out of the portent business.

I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already.

If you couldn’t find any weirdness, maybe we’ll just have to make some!

Live and don’t learn, that’s us.

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?

There’s more to this world than just people, you know.

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

You know, there are times when it’s a source of personal pride to not be human.

Dad

It’s going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn’t know anything but what it’s seen on TV.

I’m going to the office and get some sleep.

Susie

Our class voted Calvin the “Most likely to be seen on the news some day”.

Talking with you is the conversational-equivalent of an out of body experience.

Dialogues
Calvin: This piece of pie is awfully darn small!
Mom: Life could be worse, just eat it.
Calvin: Life could be a lot better too!
Calvin (In his room): …But worse is more likely…

Calvin: “I’m being educated against my will! My rights are being trampled!”
Hobbes: “Is it a right to remain ignorant?”
Calvin: “I don’t know, but I refuse to find out!”

Calvin: “When I grow up, I’m not going to read the newspaper and I’m not going to follow complex issues and I’m not going to vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn’t represent me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system doesn’t work and justify my further lack of participation.”
Hobbes: “An ingeniously self-fulfilling plan.”
Calvin: “It’s a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.”

Dad: “The world isn’t fair, Calvin.”
Calvin: “I know, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?”

Hobbes: “Did you ask your Mom if you could jump off the roof?”
Calvin: “Questions I know the answers to I don’t need to ask, right?”

Hobbes: “How come we play war and not peace?”
Calvin: “Too few role models.”

A dead bird lies before Calvin and Hobbes
Calvin: “Look, a dead bird!”
Hobbes: “It must’ve hit a window.”
Calvin: “Isn’t it beautiful? It’s so delicate. Sighhh… once it’s too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with your daily affairs, you can’t really think about that… which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It’s very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.”
Hobbes: “No doubt.”
Calvin and Hobbes recline against their tree, watching birds around them, in silence

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn’t your pants zipper supposed to be in the front?

Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.
Calvin: Ha! I’ve got a great word and it’s on a “Double word score” box!
Hobbes: “ZQFMGB” isn’t a word! It doesn’t even have a vowel!
Calvin: “It is so a word! It’s a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I’m looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I’ll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What’s your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957.

Calvin: “People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.”
Hobbes: “You misspelled Weltanschauung.”

Mom:”Time to go to bed dear.”
Calvin:”This is a free country, I can do what I want”
(Later in bed) Calvin screams:”Communists!”.

Calvin: Boy, what a day! I went to school, played outside, and did my homework. I’m exhausted.

Susie: Do you have your line memorized for the nutrition play, Calvin?
Calvin: I’m still learning it. Being an onion is a difficult role, you know. What are you?
Susie: I’m “fat.”
Calvin: No, I mean in the play.
Susie:Anyone ELSE want to say it?!?
Calvin: Aackk! Understudy! Understudy!

Attributed:

I find it easier to live my life with lowered expectations. (Calvin)

If ignorance is bliss, this lesson would appear to be a deliberate attempt to deprive me of happiness, the pursuit of which is my unalienable right according to the Declaration of Independence. I therefore assert my patriotic prerogative to not know this material. I’ll be out in the playground. (Calvin)

Calvin: “Some people complain all the time! They complain about the least little thing! If something bugs them, they never let go of it! They just go on and on long after anyone else is interested! It’s just complain, complain, complain! People who gripe all the time really drive me nuts! You’d think they’d change the subject after a while, but they never do! They just keep griping until you start to wonder, ‘What’s wrong with this idiot?’ But they go on complaining and repeating what they’ve already said!”
Hobbes: “Maybe they’re not very self aware.”
Calvin: “Boy, that’s another thing that gets on my nerves!” (emphasis in original)

Hobbes: “Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!”
Calvin: “You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn’t want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you’d cheat! I knew you’d win! Oh! Oh!
Aarg!” (Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming “Aaaaaaaaaaaa”, then falls over: “Hack. Pant. Pant.”)

Hobbes: “Look, it’s just a game.”
Calvin: “I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!”

Calvin: “I sure am great! I’m one of the greatest people who ever lived! How lucky people are to know someone as great as me! I’m great in so many great ways! In fact, I’m so great that my greatness is…”
Susie: “You’re not great! You’re one of the most conceited blowhards I’ve ever met!”
Calvin: “When you’re great, people often mistake candor for bragging.”

Moe: “I don’t like your face!”
Calvin: “Then don’t look at it!”
Moe: “I’d rather change it! Haw!” (Moe punches Calvin)
Calvin: “I don’t care about being accepted. I’d settle for being ignored.”

Calvin: “It’s not denial. I’m just very selective about what I accept as reality.”

Mrs. Wormwood: “Wake up, Calvin! We’re studying GEOGRAPHY! Now What state do you live in?”
Calvin: “Denial.”

Calvin: “They say that all the world’s a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is adlibbing his lines.”
Hobbes: “Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.”
Calvin: “We need more special effects and dance numbers.”

Calvin: “Verbing weirds language.”

Susie: “Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having.”

Susie: “Uh oh… here comes Calvin – the Incurable Weirdness poster child.”

Mrs. Wormwood: “Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?”
Calvin: “No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm’s Thermonuclear League of Liberty.”
Mrs. Wormwood: “See me after class, Calvin.”
Calvin: (speaking in retrospect) “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

Calvin: I have plenty of common sense. I just choose to ignore it.

Calvin: Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we can speak.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.

Calvin: Do you believe in the Devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?
Hobbes: I’m not sure man needs the help.
Calvin: You just can’t talk to animals about these things.

p.s. So how was the preview? Go check out these guys !!! By the way, my personal favorite character is Hobbes.Not that I dont like Calvin. But Hobbes has the attitude that rocks!!! Also drop in as comments the quote which you enjoyed the most!!!

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From → Comic Strips

3 Comments
  1. Sriram R permalink

    Calvin: Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we can speak.
    Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.

    my fav….. may b that was too obvious…. 😀

    otherwise, its a marathon…. too much to digest in a single post.. ammadi, i finished it in two terms, within three hours… exhausting…

    my personal fav is not here though 😦
    Calvin: I am a mistaken genius. Nobody calls me one!😉

  2. Fiery Ice permalink

    @ sriram

    i think that is my fav too..”the think twice ” cos its applicable to me too
    🙂

    i knew it was too lengthy..but i cudnt miss any of these..and this is edited version..

  3. eMuki permalink

    Well i suppose they complement with the Murphy’s laws of life…:)

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